Stress Really Does Kill

As we all know, 2020 has been a year that most would like to throw away, restart or even wish didn't happen. But in this year I have learned many things, that if I wasn't hard headed I would have learned a long time ago: stress kills. I spent the last 15 years lying to myself and to my family and friends, saying that everything was alright. Deep down it wasn't. I had trapped myself into a fantasy and lived in this world as if it was real. But what is hidden shall be shown. Around May of last year I started spacing out in random places, mostly at work. But as 2019 wound down my mentality started progressing to the wrong end. Unknowingly, I was stressed to the max. I had loaded my plate so much with frivolous things that the space outs increased to head shakes. Rounding into 2020, I started losing my hair. That hurt me enough to be seen by a doctor. I had also discovered that I had a lump was in my breast. My damn body was attacking itself. I thought I had an autoimmune disorder. My lymph nodes were in overdrive. I seen specialist after specialist, only to be told that nothing was wrong with me. But something had to be. I knew it was, I just couldn't put my finger on it. My shakes got worse. Anytime my blood pressure would raise, I became overheated, I was angry or I was tired and hungry, I would have full body shakes. What was wrong? I needed to know. Based off the description the neurologist said it was seizures. Scary to hear. Scary to process. Could I continue to live my life? Yes, I could. But, going through all that I went through from May 2019 up until this point was proving to be the winner over my life. I lost my will to get up in the day to fight, because I knew at some point something would trigger the seizures. Well, let me tell you, last week I was in the hospital doing a 5-day study on my seizures. They tried to trigger them with flashing lights, took me off my medicine, and told me not to sleep. I was like yep, you are definitely going to get one now. And sure enough two came. They both lasted less than a minute, but it was long enough for them to get an understanding of what was going on. I was diagnosed with non-epileptic seizures, that are triggered by stress and don't need medication. That was the good part, but now I need to work on maintaining a healthy stress level. And that starts with being honest with myself about my situation and then reaching out when I know it is beyond my control. Please be mindful of your stressors and maintain a positive outlook on life. Everything will work out.

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