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Growth

For years I spent my life doing exactly what I wanted to do. Even as a mother I did what I wanted. Some days I felt like I really messed up their lives and the other days I knew they were amazing little people. But 2020 was pure hell for me. From loosing my job, getting committed, getting caught in an affair, getting a divorce, fighting for a dead love, fighting for a house, fighting for respect, fighting for my kids, fighting for me and fighting for true love I don’t know how the hell I survived. The end of the year was bringing about a change in me that I still didn’t understand. I wanted better for myself and needed better for my kids. I had to sit my behind down and refocus my energy. I still hadn’t done that. All I did was the same thing I had done all my life, refocus my energy on something or someone new. Still not grasping the concept that I needed to know who I was, what I wanted and what I dreamed to accomplish in this life. As the 6th day of the new year came in things were still stagnant in a direction that wasn’t conducive to my overall goal for this life. True, I had started working on both my businesses, have crafts available and books as well, but I was stalled in life. I woke up and went to court like I was supposed to with positive energy flowing through my body. My guy was cooking breakfast, kids off to school and I was thinking everything would be alright. You see right now I am in a complicated situation. I still stay in the house that is in my ex’s name (as far as the mortgage) and even up until the point of posting this he is refusing to sign the quit claim deed in order to get the house in my name. Funny thing is there was nothing in his actions that proved to me that he would change his mind and help me. But in driving to work and having to go back and get my man from the house I realized a few things: 1. It all works out 2. It’s all good 3. I don’t need him 4. I never did 5. It was time to let go. No one can force you to do anything you don’t want to do and for me no one ever did, but in my process of growth I realize that it’s ok for me to not succeed in this house or even the marriage. I’m at a peace and I’m not holding on anymore

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