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This is not a cry for help, so please don’t misunderstand what I am saying. I’m 35 and on Monday will be 36 and my life is hell. Purely my choice, but why would anyone choose this for themselves? I honestly couldn’t answer that question and then I realized that I didn’t feel like I deserved better. Every since I started dating, especially after the first, I always felt like second best. And no my life sucking has nothing to do with my relationships. I want things, people, friends, travel, hell I want life, but somewhere in the back of my head when things are going in the right direction I get into this slump and trick myself into believing that I don’t deserve the life I have. At 35 I found the true meaning of a person loving me and not wanting me for what I could provide for them. And it felt good. I was happy. I miss that feeling. No one will ever understand and will call me stupid. And as much as I want them to understand, they have forgotten who I am. And that’s mainly because I forgot who I was. So I am making a pledge to myself literally days away from my 36th birthday: NEVER let someone take who you are, NEVER let doubt and fear guide you, NEVER lose focus on YOUR goal and older me NEVER let the opinions of others matter. I am good people and can’t wait for my rebirth.

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